Intimate Partner Violence: What to Know

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a type of domestic abuse where one person uses a pattern of behaviors to gain or keep power and control over their current or former partner. IPV can happen to anyone.

IPV can happen with or without a history of sexual intimacy.

Abuse tends to get worse, especially after a relationship ends.

What are types and examples of IPV?

Abuse can vary. There could be one serious and isolated incident, or many less severe episodes spread out over many years.

• Emotional and psychological abuse. This includes words or actions to make someone feel scared or worthless. This often starts small and gets worse over time.
  • Examples include yelling, name-calling, mocking, controlling what the person wears, keeping them away from friends and family, hurting pets, destroying things, and making the partner feel trapped.
  • This also includes making threats to hurt themselves, the partner, or people the partner cares about.
• Physical abuse. This means hurting someone on purpose.
  • Examples include slapping, hitting, kicking, pushing, grabbing, biting, pulling hair, and more.
  • This also includes stopping the partner from getting medical care or forcing them to use alcohol or drugs.
• Sexual abuse. This is any sexual activity that happens without clear permission.
  • Examples include making the partner feel forced to do things because they are scared of what might happen if they don't. This also includes sex acts when the person can't say no because they have had too much alcohol or taken drugs.
• Economic or financial abuse. This is controlling someone's money or resources.
  • Examples include controlling money, food, transportation, or belongings. This also includes stopping the partner from working or choosing a career.
• Stalking. This includes giving unwanted attention over and over again.
  • Examples include making repeated unwanted contact with the person or their friends and family (calls, emails, texts), following or watching them, making threats, damaging property, and sending unwanted gifts.
• Digital or technological abuse. This is using technology to bully, harass, or scare someone.
  • Examples include monitoring online activities, demanding passwords, tracking where the person is through their phone, pressuring them to make sexual content, and controlling how they use phones and other devices.
• Spiritual abuse. This means using religious or spiritual beliefs to control someone.
  • Examples include making fun of their beliefs, forcing them to follow a certain faith, and stopping them from practicing their own beliefs.

What are some signs of IPV?

Physical signs

• Injuries like bruises, broken bones, burns, or head trauma that don't fit the story given.
• Injuries with a clear pattern, like the shape of a belt buckle or burns that look like a cigarette.
• Injuries on the face or neck.
• Health problems or pain from injuries you can't see.

Emotional and psychological signs

• IPV can lead to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, PTSD, and trouble sleeping. Other symptoms include:
  • Feeling sad, hopeless, tired, or numb.
  • Thinking about or trying to hurt themselves. This can be suicidal or not.
  • Having low self-esteem.
  • Feeling very nervous or worried, especially about their partner, and being easily startled.
  • Believing they can't do anything right and deserve bad treatment.
  • Not trusting other people or their own feelings.

Sexual signs

• Bruising, swelling, bleeding, or pain in the area of the genital or opening of the butt (rectum).
• Not wanting or being afraid of sex.

What are common reasons people affected by IPV stay in an abusive relationship?

• Fear. Leaving an abusive relationship is very hard and scary. People may be afraid of what their partner might do, worry about how to live on their own, or fear losing their children.
• Normalized abuse. If someone grew up in an abusive environment, they might not realize their relationship is unhealthy.
• Shame. Admitting they are being abused can be tough because they may feel it's their fault or think they are weak. Abusers often make them feel this way.
• Intimidation. Threats, whether they are verbal, physical, or involve private information, can make people too scared to leave.
• Low self-esteem. Abuse can make survivors believe they deserve it and that it's their fault.
• Lack of resources. Not having money or support can make it seem impossible to leave.
• Disability. If a person relies on their partner for physical help, they might feel they can't leave.
• Immigration status. Fear of affecting their immigration status, especially if there are language barriers, can stop them from reporting abuse.
• Cultural context. Traditional beliefs and cultural values can influence someone to stay in an abusive relationship.
• Children. Feeling guilty about breaking up the family can make people stay.
• Love. People might still love their partner and hope things will get better.

What should you do if you experience IPV?

• Make sure you stay safe. You know your situation best, so trust your instincts. Call 911 if you need immediate help or medical attention. You can also ask the police about getting an emergency protective order if needed.
• Take threats seriously. Threats mean danger. Leaving an abusive relationship can be especially risky because the abuser might react badly. This is often the most dangerous time for people trying to escape abuse.
• Make a safety plan. A safety plan can help you stay safe whether you are still in the relationship, planning to leave, or have already left.
• Prepare your children. Teach them what to do in an emergency, like where to hide in the house or how to call the police or a trusted person for help.
• Find support.Reach out to a national hotline or talk to someone you trust, like a friend or family member. You deserve support no matter what.
• Think about your legal options. You can report the abuse to the police or work with a lawyer to get a protective order.
• Consider counseling. Counseling can help you deal with the emotional effects of abuse. What you talk about with a counselor is private. Children can also benefit from counseling.
• Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself and remember that experiencing abuse is not your fault.

Where can you get help?

Intimate partner violence hotlines and websites

• The Victim Connect Resource Center: Call or text 855-4VICTIM (855-484-2846). Live chat is also available at VictimConnect Chat.
• Use the Victim Connect Resource Map search tool to find to search for national and local resources at Victim Connect Resource Map
• National Domestic Violence Hotline.
  • Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. Live chat is also available at thehotline.org
  • Search for local support and resources (including shelters) at Local Resources for Support
• RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673 (HOPE). Live chat is also available at rainn.org

Get help right away if:

• You feel like you are in immediate danger.
• You feel like you may hurt yourself or others.
• You have thoughts about taking your own life.
• You have other thoughts or feelings that worry you.

• Go to your nearest emergency room.
• Call 911.
• Call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (free and confidential):
  • Call 1-800-273-8255 or 988.
  • Text 741741.
• If you're a Veteran:
  • Call 988 and press 1.
  • Text the Veterans Crisis Line at 838255.