Intimate Partner Violence: New York State
Intimate partner violence, also called domestic violence, domestic abuse, or relationship abuse, is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over the other partner. Intimate partner violence can happen to women and men and can happen between people who are or were:
Married.
Dating.
Living together.
It is important to be honest with yourself. If you are in a relationship that is violent, it is critical to take action.
New York State law
New York State law defines domestic violence as:
"A pattern of coercive tactics which can include physical, psychological, sexual, economic, and emotional abuse, perpetrated by one person against an adult intimate partner, with the goal of establishing and maintaining power and control over the victim."
What are the types of intimate partner violence?
Different types of abuse can occur at the same time within the same relationship.
Physical abuse. This includes rough handling, threats with a weapon, throwing objects, pushing, or hitting.
Emotional and psychological abuse. This includes verbal attacks, rejection, humiliation, intimidation, social isolation, or threats. Abuse may also include limiting contact with family and friends.
Sexual assault. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity that occurs without clear permission (consent) from both people. This includes unwanted touching and sexual harassment.
Economic abuse. This includes controlling money, food, transportation, or other belongings.
Stalking. This involves such things as repeated, unwanted phone calls, e-mails, or text messages, or watching the partner affected by the abuse from a distance.
What are some warning signs of intimate partner violence?
Physical signs
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Bruises.
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Broken bones.
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Burns or cuts.
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Physical pain.
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Head injury.
Emotional and psychological signs
- Symptoms of depression, such as:
- Symptoms of anxiety, such as:
Sexual signs
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Bruising, swelling, or bleeding of the genital or rectal area.
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Signs of an STI, such as genital sores, warts, or discharge coming from the genital area.
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Pain in the genital area.
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Unintended pregnancy.
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Problems with pregnancy.
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Fear of having sex.
What are common behaviors of those affected by intimate partner violence?
Those affected by intimate partner violence may:
Be late to work or other events.
Avoid social activities.
Be isolated or kept from seeing friends or family and may have to let their partner know where they are and who they are with.
Make comments about their partner's temper and make excuses for their partner's behavior.
Engage in high-risk sexual behaviors.
Use drugs or alcohol.
Have unhealthy eating behaviors.
What are common feelings of those affected by intimate partner violence?
Those affected by intimate partner violence may feel that they:
Must be careful not to say or do things that trigger their partner's anger.
Cannot do anything right and deserve to be treated badly.
Overreact to their partner's behavior or temper.
Cannot trust other people or cannot trust their own feelings. They often feel emotionally drained or numb.
Are trapped and in danger if they try to leave.
May have their children taken away by their partner.
Where can you get help?
If you do not feel safe searching for help online at home, use a computer at a public library to access the internet. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger or need medical help.
Intimate partner violence hotlines and websites
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
- The New York State Domestic Violence Hotline. This service is available in multiple languages.
- The New York City Domestic Violence Hotline.
- The National Sexual Assault Hotline.
Shelters for persons affected by intimate partner violence
If you are a person who has experienced intimate partner violence, there are resources to help you find a temporary place for you and your children to live (shelter). The specific address of these shelters is often not known to the public. A complete list, by county, of domestic counseling centers and shelters in New York State is online: www.nyscadv.org/find-help/program-directory.html
Police
Report assaults, threats, and stalking to the police.
Counselors and counseling centers
Counseling can help you manage difficult emotions and empower you to plan for your future safety. The topics you discuss with a counselor are private and confidential. Children of those affected by intimate partner violence might also need counseling to manage stress and anxiety.
The court system
You can work with a lawyer or an advocate to get legal protection against an abuser. Protection includes restraining orders and private addresses. Crimes against you, such as assault, can also be prosecuted through the courts.
For legal information, contact Safe Horizon:
Follow these instructions at home:
Create a safety plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship with a person who is abusive, while you are planning to leave, or after you leave. This plan may be created by the person affected by intimate partner violence alone or with assistance from the domestic violence hotline staff or local shelter staff. Your safety plan may include:
How to manage emotions.
How to tell friends and family about the abuse.
How to take legal action.
How to create a safe home environment.
How to keep your children safe.
Emergency plans for life-threatening situations.
If you ever feel like you may hurt yourself or others, or have thoughts about taking your own life, get help right away. Go to your nearest emergency department or:
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Call your local emergency services (911 in the U.S.)
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Call a suicide crisis helpline, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or 988 in the U.S. This is open 24 hours a day in the U.S.
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Text the Crisis Text Line at 741741 (in the U.S.).
Summary
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Intimate partner violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over the other partner.
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It is important to be honest with yourself. If you are in a relationship that is violent, it is critical to take action.
-
If you have experienced intimate partner violence, there are resources to help you find a temporary place for you and your children to live (shelter).
-
If you are in a relationship with a person who is abusive, there are resources available to you to find ways to leave the relationship.
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Create a safety plan to find ways to remain safe while in a relationship with a person who is abusive, while you are planning to leave, or after you leave.
This information is not intended to replace advice given to you by your health care provider. Make sure you discuss any questions you have with your health care provider.
